How To Overcome Doublemindedness and Go After What You Want
Doublemindedness is like being a kid in a candy store - there are SO many options!
One of the biggest barriers to asking for what you want, whether in our personal lives or business lives, can be as simple as not exactly knowing what you do want! It’s almost unthinkable to make a big ask if you aren’t sure what it is you are wanting. The doublemindedness makes us second-guess and can lead us to avoid going after what we want.
We start overthinking so much that simple ideas or solutions become tricky decisions. Kind of like making a mountain out of a molehill. Once our brain goes into overdrive, it’s hard to rein it in to make decisions.
I’ve faced doublemindedness so many times in my life. The latest being whether to find a J-O-B after we closed our kitchen and bath business or to start my own Virtual Expert® business.
Did I want to go through all of that work to set up a business again?
Did I want to have to drive 30 minutes to/from work everyday, each way? Not to mention the doubts and mental gremlins.
If you tend to be doubleminded (aka indecisive) it can keep you from getting what you want.
Here are some tricks for getting clear on what you want so you can ask for what you want with confidence.
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Recognize if you are an overthinker
- If we worry, analyze, or project we are overthinking. This triggers fears and doubts which can cause analysis paralysis. Trust me, analysis paralysis is real and it makes it very difficult to know exactly what you want. If you tend to overthink, recognize when it happens. And stop yourself early so you don't fall victim to it's downward spiral.
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Weigh the pros vs cons
- Sometimes there are a couple alternatives and they may seem good. That can make choosing harder and leave you doubleminded. Use a utilitarian approach and weigh the pros and cons then choose the one that has the most pros. BTW - that's how I solved my dilemma above. Here's a great tool from Mind Tools to help with this.
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Seek wise counsel
- Doublemindedness can make your head spin. If you find that you can’t stop the spin, it’s time to seek advice from a trusted friend, colleague, or professional. They can help you sort things out and narrow down to your final choice.
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Practice being decisive
- Create a new and better habit by practicing being decisive and asking for what you want. With practice, it will become normal for you over time. Be like Gibbs on NCIS and "go with your gut". Practice making decisions without overthinking.
If you can’t come to a clear decision, it is hard to ask for what you want.
Being doubleminded prevents you from choosing the right path and going after it with confidence. Reduce your doubleminded thinking and your fear of making the wrong decision. And you will make way for the joy of going after and getting exactly what you want.
